Trying to come to terms that i am half way through this project now. HALF WAY. It's one that feels like it's been with me forever (I spent  along time thinking about taking the class before I actually did) but is also zooming past super fast.

Here's March: 


We adopted Oscar 5 years ago from our local RSPCA shelter. He jumped into my lap (only that one time) and right into our hearts. Truthfully, he's a bit of a gremlin. I've never known an animal with such cattitude. He fights with other felines, bites, steals food from us and loves to attack my feet. He also yowls when entering the house, runs up to us on the street and waits at the window for us to come home. Even though Mark is  100% the number 1 hooman, I love this animal with every ounce of my soul. I am fearlessly protective and forever worrying about his well being - he only has 3 legs though we're not entirely convinced that he knows it… I honestly can't imagine life without this floofy creature and I'd like to think he feels the same way about us


A colourful mind
Cut me open, dissect my mind and you’ll find a rainbow of imagination


Anti - marriage
To say I never wanted to get married is an understatement. I really never thought about it and if I did, I just rejected it instantly. I didn't (don’t) see the point. If you're dedicated to someone, why does it need to be a legal matter? Cost money and warrant a party? I just don't get it. For me, I married Mark in so many other ways before we legally were married; when we adopted our cat, brought our first home together, became each others “in case of emergency” contacts, spent Christmas together, looked after one another when ill… there are a thousand ways to be together and marriage was not one I needed. But, in 2016, I did get married. My views remain the same (and I am forever thankful that I was never proposed to because the thought makes me want to vomit) but along the course of our 8 year non-married relationship, I realised that being married meant so much more to Mark than not being married meant to me. We found our own way to do it and it's not as horrible as I thought it might be…. Although I do wonder when I'll get used to my new last name, being a “Mrs” and saying the word husband!


The theme of words is interesting for me. I always have a lot to say and often feel that I can say it quickly and pretty eloquently, but just as often, I freeze and panic. I find that I either don’t know the right words or how to format them. Or how to pronounce something. Or how to voice my opinion as quickly as I am thinking it. Writing these words and thoughts is even tougher. Spelling these words is the worst. Forming sentences and pouring my words into pages would be so much easier for me if they could be colour and shape and pattern rather than actual letters. This is being dyslexic to me and what can alienate and frustrate me. I was diagnosed as dyslexic as a teenager and it changed a lot of my memories. All those times I “didn't try hard enough” at school, how I panicked and felt physically sick during spelling tests, how long it took me to learn certain words, letters and names, mispronouncing words aloud in class and not understanding why they were wrong… everything sort of made sense once I had the official dyslexic label. I eternally feel sorry for my small younger self, not knowing that I literally couldn't try harder, that I wasn’t stupid or lazy or not enough.


Can moving be a hobby? The need for change, the excitement of a fresh start, a new place to call home and make your own. I love all of this but it means that roots are hard to put down, that you never really fix any problems or make a space truly your own. I have lived in Yorkshire for 10 years and had 8 different addresses… I think it's time to stay in one place for a while. That is what painting this walls means to me, the first house we’ve ever decorated because we’re going to try and settle here. For at least one more year….


You can follow my progress with this year long challenge on Instagram under the tag - #julias52portraits


"52 portraits is a photography course in self discovery by Vanessa and is hosted through Get Messy Art Journal whom I am an affiliate for. The course is a year long journey in using photography and words to turn your reflection inward and capture who you are at this phase in your life. Learn more and join the course here"

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